The Surprising Purpose of Your Worst Feelings
What Mosquitoes Can Teach You About Anxiety (And Other Unwanted Feelings)
When I was a kid, I hated mosquitoes with a passion that burned as red as the welts they left behind. My allergy turned every bite into a giant, itchy monument to my suffering. I once told my uncle I wished every mosquito on Earth would just vanish.
He acknowledged my pain, then raised an eyebrow. “They’re here for a reason,” he said. I couldn’t imagine a single purpose for this pest, so he explained their role in the food chain, their work as pollinators, and their place in aquatic ecosystems.
If I told you this revelation sparked a deep love for mosquitoes, I’d be lying. But knowing their purpose wasn’t solely to torment me did take some of the sting out of my annoyance.
It turns out, this grudging respect for a pest was the perfect primer for my work as a therapist. Because in my office, people aren’t battling insects—they’re battling unwelcome feelings.
Anxiety, depression, and anger are the top three emotions people want to get rid of. They tell me how these feelings hijack their behavior, weigh them down, and leave them stuck. I understand why they hate these feelings with a red, hot passion and wish they’d never existed.
But just like mosquitoes, our feelings—even the most painful ones—are here for a reason.
The "Sweet Spot" of Emotion
Most feelings are useful signals, especially when they're in the right dose. Researchers have found there's a “sweet spot” for anxiety where it can actually boost performance. Too much or too little is detrimental, but the right amount acts as a powerful tool. This same principle applies to other difficult emotions.
- Anxiety in its sweet spot sharpens your focus on what's important. That pang of anxiety about a work project isn't just noise; it's a signal to prepare, motivating you to protect your job security.
- Depression, in manageable amounts, can be a call to slow down and reflect. It encourages an inward look that allows you to process experiences, gain insight, and grow. Without it, we might skim over life’s most important lessons.
- Anger is a powerful protector. It can propel you to stand up for yourself or defend others. My childhood anger toward mosquitoes fueled me to grab the bug spray, protecting myself from more bites. The key is channeling that fire, not letting it become a destructive blaze.
The Mosquito as a Messenger
My uncle taught me something else: mosquitoes love standing water. He once noticed a spike in mosquitoes in his yard and went on a hunt for the source. He discovered a leaky pipe in his shed. After fixing it, his mosquito problem shrank—and his water bill went down. He joked that the mosquitoes actually saved him money. (I still think that’s giving them a bit too much credit.)
But the lesson is potent. The mosquito infestation wasn't the real problem; it was a symptom—a messenger signaling the leaky pipe. If he had only swatted mosquitoes without looking for the source, the leak would have worsened, breeding an even bigger swarm.
From Infestation to Information
This is the most crucial lesson of all. When your feelings are in the “sweet spot,” they are not the problem; they are messengers pointing to a problem that needs your attention.
Ignoring them is like letting a leaky pipe spill. You’re creating a breeding ground. That initial pang of anxiety, if ignored, can multiply until you’re facing an infestation.
The next time an unwelcome feeling buzzes in your ear, try this:
- Pause before you swat. Acknowledge the feeling is there without judgment.
- Listen for the message. Ask yourself: What is this feeling signaling? Is there a “leaky pipe” in my life—an unmet need, an unresolved conflict, a looming deadline—that needs my attention?
- Address the source. Once you identify the root cause, you can take action. Repair the pipe.
Stop treating your feelings as an infestation to be exterminated. Start seeing them as information to be understood.
